seasonal pressure

Last night I was having dinner with some friends and I looked out their big windows and saw huge clumps of wet snow pouring down mixed with flashes of lightning. It was like a rain shower had morphed into a thunderstorm into a snowstorm far too quickly for the weather to handle and the effect was beautiful. Walking back to the metro I was the first person to put my footprints into the snow (this being just outside Paris where this isn't much foot traffic) and it was eeriely quiet and amazing. Why is it that rain and gray has the most depressing effect but seeing snow falling can be so enchanting? Better than snow yet, was the sunshine that followed today. We havent' had hardly any sun in the past 2 months and I'm starting to lose it. But this morning we had a good few hours of real sun. I visited my step-father, confined to a wheelchair in the dismal world of a retirement home. We push open the doors and took a spin around the block and just felt the sun for a minute. quite sublime.

This really has nothing to do with my film. Perhaps writing this shows you the completely distracted and procrastinating state I'm in. The film is progressing piece by piece, but as my professor and cinematographer both pointed out to me today, do I know the clear meaning and purpose of every scene and will the audience know it. To this nothing arises in response but panic. My response to panic is, naturally, procrastination. In fact I'm getting on a train to visit London in exactly 9 hours. I haven't packed yet. I just watched "Big Fish" on DVD and cried at all the sentimental places. And now I'm blogging. stoppppp.