one little film

Oh godness!

2008-03-11T14:39:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it has been three months since I last posted on my blog. It feels neglected and sad. Well, no longer- I am back to breathe new life into it. I think one thing this blog can do is show that one can move on from one film and do much more. I became very obsessed with my thesis film "push/pull" and it dragged on me for way too long. But in the past 12 months I think I've finally made the transition from film student to filmmaker. I've made about 8 shorts for Filmaka and another 4 for work. The films work have been interesting in that they are about subjects I'm not passionate about but I am very passionate about getting them right. I'm feeling a lot of pressure though on the producing side- I've got an MD breathing down my neck to reduce the budgets and increase the quality. Basically, they want me to be a magician- please, build a better house in less time with fewer materials! Well, I realise I can only give it a good effort and if they don't like it they can *&%!

Filmaka has been such a great outlet for me. I'm dying to know if I won their final contest. I have a 1/38 chance, which isn't bad, but then again I have a 37/38 chance of not winning, which is pretty darn close to guaranteed. The prize is a contract to direct a feature film, the big kahuna. I guess I'll find out in April. Today, Paul Schrader, writer of Taxi Driver and member of the Filmaka jury wrote about my final film: Very well done.

Awesome! That made my day and I could temporarily forget that I'd just had to cut my camera assistant, second camera operator, steadicam and art assistant from my crew for a job next week...

Tired and happy and sad

2007-12-12T14:34:00.000-08:00

This weekend I spent a very rainy Saturday at a small post production house making the final touches on a screening copy of push/pull....why's that? you ask. Well, it has finally been selected for a really cool festival, the London Short Film Festival. I'm super excited that it will premiere at the extremely amazing ICA theatre. That's the Institute for Contemporary Arts- Here's the link. So, I've spent all my money and got a nice beautiful digibeta tape copy to show there and I'm hoping it looks as lovely as it did in the colouring session.

It feels great to show at a festival, but just gives me a bit more of a burden to get the DVDs done and get it into a few more festivals. There is something about being able to say this film screened at festivals x, y, and z...then it feels like you've done you're best and can move on.

Speaking of which, I'm kind of exicited to write a romantic comedy script. And I want to make some more shorts for Filmaka. And I'm dying to make a proper short on 35mm. I've never worked with 35 but it has this allure like no other.

So why sad? Well, just tired of the cold, dark weather I suppose. And hate that when I go to a film lecture, as I did tonight, I just want to race out of there at the end- I can never bear to stay for the networking drinks because I feel shy and awkward. And my boss says I give off an "anxiety" vibe and need to chillllll. I told him that's just ambition in the face of not having enough to do. So I'm really trying to chillllll. Maybe I'll bring in a radio tomorrow and a Hawaiian shirt. beach chair. sandals. lolly pops.

Almost forgotten

2007-07-19T04:44:00.000-07:00

My film is dangling in an abyss. I sent in a beta tape, screened it on the San Francisco State campus, graduated and then this: nothing. I realize it has been more than two months since I have written in this blog, and since not much has happened in the past two months, I thought I'd write a post in the hopes that writing in the blog would stir up the cosmic universe in favor of progress. I've been rejected from numerous film festival and numerous jobs. Well, my short has been rejected, but it hard not to take it personally. I am waiting for the festival programmer to call me up and say "I see something unique and excited here and want to screen it." But I think that may never happen. So, other good things could happen instead. Like maybe my next film will get me some where. I was talking to someone last night was saying how I have a job- being a filmmaker- and I should never go work as a waitress or receptionist because who cares about being poor and my art is more important, blah blah blah. It is easy to say this when you're employed, can enjoy a nice meal at a nice restaurant and holidays at the beach, and feel integrated with society. But those of us who are alone, the artists sitting in their little dark rooms in the suburbs and villages and highrises with the internet as our main friend, feel that perhaps its time to put in application at starbucks in hopes of social interaction, free coffee and money to see a movie with a new coworker on the weekends.

filming final glory

2007-05-07T07:15:00.000-07:00

This morning, my film "push/pull" got yet another rejection- from Hamburg Int'l Festival...as usual, I felt down, my boyfriend cheered me up, I moved on and thought about entering the film in more festivals.

This afternoon, a tiny little one-day film I made for a website called Filmaka.com won a prize of $3000! I'm so pleased. I'm a bit shocked since the film was so incredibly no budget, but I feel really happy. It also means I get to keep entering their contests and maybe even win more money and prizes. Their grand prize, which I am now eligible for if I make another film, is a feature film contract. Ever since my first coloring contest victory (I won circus tickets), I've adored contests. Actually, even younger than that I would dream of winning the Publisher's Clearing House sweepstakes. I wanted to give all the money to making art centers in Africa. It's still an idea I'd like to see come to fruition...one day. I hope that this isn't a giant scam and I'm being a sucker...but for the moment I choose to believe they actually liked my simple little film.
In further good news, last week I had a script I wrote Shortlisted (i.e. a finalist but not a winner) for the Audi Reel Talent Award, which means it was in the top 11 out of 180 short film scripts. Had I won, the prize would be a 10,000 pound production budget...as it is I still want to make the film, but probably with a 10 pound budget instead.

Alas, some good news, but still those rejections hurt.

The quiet hush of rejection

2007-04-18T02:14:00.000-07:00

I realize it has been more than a month since I last posted- for shame! I have been busy with my cross-channel move to London, looking for a new job, and enjoying the British (gasp) sunshine. Our little film got rejected from Cannes Critic Week so I probably wont be sashaying down La Croissette in evening wear. But actually it is a huge relief as I haven't got any evening or day wear that would be red-carpet worthy. And I'd need a 35mm print, which I am not currently close to possessing. Meanwhile, I am waiting to hear back from a few other festivals and getting prepared to send out another batch to more fests. As each application takes time, sweat and money, along with the possible emotional pain of rejection, it gets hard to send them out. Yet I am absolutely determined to get this film out and seen in a proper environment, be in Cannes or Hackney.
I promise my devoted blog readers, after two years of reading this, will be the first to find out when the film hits the big screen.

filmaka

2007-03-13T12:14:00.000-07:00

I randomly found out about a little film contest ("filmaka" and entered my film "I am hungry" (not my masterpiece "Push/pull" of course) into it. It is a new and not well publicized contest, and I didn't think about it too much... but miraculously, my film was in the top ten (number 8 out of around 100)...and apparantly I won some money! Wow, I've never won money for my films before. It is a really nice feeling that people voted for it and got my wierd sense of humor (in which I eat very literally "like a bird"). If I understand the contest rules correctly (a big "if"), I get to enter another contest and make another film and compete for even more money. The thing is, the winners are chosen by a vote/jury combination...so I may be campaigning amoung my blog readers to register and vote (for me!)....

As for news about my other little film, the one I've been perspiring for 2 years thinking about, well, it's not done yet, but I really feel the end is in sight. I'm committing to graduating in May which means really getting this together soon. I will. I will. I will.

tired and slightly down

2007-03-07T14:20:00.000-08:00

It's been a whole month since my last post, for shame. I'm surprised if any one still reads it, but it really is my record so who cares.

Tonight we had the cast and crew film screening at a cafe called Dune in Paris near my apartment. I first showed two other little shorts I've made, and then "push/pull". People seemed to enjoy the films, even though I felt a bit sensitive to any remarks made. One actor wondered why I had gotten rid of the end scene that we filmed, another wanted to know why it looked so bright...but really what matters is that I've shown the film in public (albiet the version still is waiting for some "professional touches".
I took this acting class in college with this wonderful teacher and there were only a few of us in the class. We did loads of fun exercises. I remember in one of the exercises the teacher litterly prying my arms open and saying, "Sahra, you've got this whole world but I can't see it because you're hiding it in a little ball." That's kind of how I feel about this film, about all my films really, or my creative side in general. No matter how much time I spend dreaming of how lovely every film festival and red carpet will be, it kind of hurts to show them, like I'm being pried open against my will.

sensical

2007-02-10T15:52:00.000-08:00

I know I have not posted in ages, and actually I'm probably in no condition to post at the moment. It's 1 a.m. and I just returned home from watching David Lynch's "Inland Empire". A friend who is a Lynch fan invited me, and I declined after reading a review. But then, sometime in the early evening, seeing I had nothing to do and having read a more positive review, I decided to go along. Big mistake.
Really, really painful 3 hours of my life.
I feel I should be given a mudbath and several bottles of champagne just for having sat through it. The first 30 minutes are pretty good; they don't make sense exactly, but one is willing to go with the flow and try to unravel what is happening.
Then it just goes downhill and keeps going that way for 2 and a half more hours, though the credit sequence is oddly cute.
Imagine you go to a conceptual video art gallery. There are four screens. On one screen is an extreme close-up of a woman crying. On another there is another woman looking at the woman crying and saying, "How did I get here?" on an endless loop; on the third screen are some polish gypsy circus people; on the forth is a woman standing in the video art gallery watching the video screens. This attracts your interest for all of 4 minutes. But then they shut the doors of the gallery and lock you in, make you sit down and really stare at the screens in an overheated room for another 2 hours and 56 minutes.
Finally, they let you out and you can breathe again, though there is no hope of getting your 10 bucks back for the admission fee.

Alas, my favorite thing about the movie was that it made me feel so much better about my own. Obscurity is definitely "in". Though comparing the two, my film is crystal clear, which is probably much less cool.

The six year old's reaction

2007-01-21T11:36:00.000-08:00

Today I showed Nathalie, her parents, and 3-year old and 9-year old brothers, the film. Nathalie has grown since the last time I saw her, at her 6th birthday last summer. Her cheeks have lost their baby fat and she's gotten more giggly. I was slightly terrified that the family would watch in expressionless-horror, think that I had created some horrible impenetrable art piece that used their daughter as a wooden doll. But no, they actually seemed to love it. Nathalie and her brothers shrieked with delight when they saw her face on the television screen. She laughed because she remembered filming the movie but would never have imagined that this is what it would look like. The parents thought it was beautiful and flowed well. The three-year old was far more interested in showing me the farting sounds in "Ice Age" than watching my film. So it was a nice little bit of encouragement.

I am basically in a holding pattern, the sound and image editing 95% done, now I need to send the film to festivals and look for money. I have a friend of mine who is going to try to help me with this but it seems quite hopeless. Plus, I spend far too much time looking at film festival websites and dreaming of sitting in crowded theaters in krakow and lisbon and edinburgh and portland, and far too little actually looking for funding and writing scripts and being a creative spirit. The internet is an addictive force that is pulling me into mediocre behavior. I believe only chocolate will save me.

Roadblocks

2007-01-10T13:56:00.000-08:00

Oh happy new year dear blog readers. It seems quite strange that this blog is going into its 3rd year (is that possible? no!) on the same little film. To be honest, I'm quite tired of it. Not tired enough to abandon filmmaking, but definitely in need of a long nap. Just writing for a long while. In early December I managed to get this crusty old finance guy at my school to say, and I quote,"you have 950 euros to spend towards your project. I promise." Then I hassled two different labs until I miraculously negotiated a decent price with eclair for the beta master copy. Granted, this means abandoning hopes of 35mm blow-up, but it still is better than nothing and I need a beta tape to graduate. All this negotiating took a ridiculous amount of phonecalls and work. In the meanwhile I've been working on my sound and my sound designer is getting closer to giving me a quite nice sound mix. I have been plotting the cast and crew screening.
So today I head over to my disgusting, graffiti-filled, trash-dump of a school and present the estimate so I can pick up my purchase order, bring it to the lab, finish my film in the next few weeks, send it to festivals, and graduate before I start a job in London. All seems well. But then crusty old finance man seems to have completely forgotten his promise, claims the funds had already been used, there'd been some little mistake, ha-ha, oh well. I was not feeling ha-ha oh-well.
I feel set-back and deflated, but not end-of-the-world deflated. I read New Yorker comics on the train on the way back home and they made me laugh. I read the adorable "inspirational article" my friend Bronwen mailed me about picking yourself up when you fall down. I ate a delicious Belgium chocolate with a hazelnut inside that my dad gave me. I talked to my love on the phone.
So things are not all that bad. But not all that good.

Endurance

2006-12-10T10:50:00.000-08:00

Making a film, long or short, seems to be really a question of endurance. There are a million temptations to drop it, to let it slowly disappear into an abyss of creation. I feel like I've gotten so much out of the process of making it so far, why stay on for the final part- the endless rejections and criticism that seem to await me? Maybe I'm being super negative but it seems like for all the hope I have that this film will pivot my career towards sought-after young directoresse, I also feel saddened by the reality- thousands of filmmakers vying for a few spots at obscure festivals that are attending only by other young filmmakers who think they could do better than you.
But the fact remains that I have to finish, at least for the sake of graduating if not for feeling like I can move on. And finish means have something I can screen to an audience at a movie theater without a great deal of shame involved. Yet when I screened it for a friend this weekend she is lost at key parts and I feel I am stuck and will never figure out how to make it work.

Christmas is around the corner and I can see that there isn't much hope of finishing before then, and so 2007 will roll around and I will at least keep on trying to find little solutions to finishing this mess of a film I have created.

this is life

2006-11-29T12:45:00.000-08:00

I have had such a long strange day it feels like several in one. I went to take my mother to the train station, from there she boarded the train to the airport. In the mad rush of jumping on as the bell was ringing, I forgot to pass her bag and then the doors shut. I followed her on the next train.
On my way back to Paris I was leaving the climbing the stairs of the metro. Girls screamed, it sounded like a movie star had landed. Then, behind me, several people running on the stairs, mouths covered like they were all collectively vomiting. A woman shouting, "he killed himself, he jumped". And then the stunned faces of people who don't know what to do, rush to their next train or watch the body being dragged from the tracks. I come home to a box of roses, sent by my love, who doesn't let our anniversary pass without a million thoughtful jests.
I go to school to hear more about how helpless the funding is. The screening was so poor that there is no hope of getting department funding. I was never told this screening was a kind of funding test, but apparently I had the chance at some but now I don't. My assistant director thinks we should look for a production company to help us finish, but that seems impossible.
I teach English to my old-man student, he's going to retire in a few months. He wants to visit Australia this fall. He's been a waiter for 39 years, and he works at a fancy restaurant. Paul Hogan and Robert Redford have been there.
I somehow acquired 4 new private students this week, which is a blessing in a moment of financial distress, but it seems I'll never have time to work on my film.
I am reading the third diary of Anais Nin; though I never read the first two it seemed fair enough to jump right in. It is wonderful and I identify terribly with her (well, I'm only on page 88, so we'll see). I love how she is a starving artist with no time to write and always having to take care of a million other little things.
Tonight I went and saw "Babel" which was very good even if I had to struggle a bit with the French subtitles. It was wonderful to see a movie I actually really enjoyed. Brad Pitt was the film's biggest flaw, but aside from that it was compelling and gripping and human. And the loveliest part was leaving the theater, the doors open right onto the Quai, and it was suddenly foggy. Not thick San Francisco fog, but a good post-rain mist that just floated on top of the waterfront and made Paris completely perfect. Well, it was a perfect moment at the very least.

raining

2006-11-16T10:49:00.000-08:00

I should be depressed- stuck in the rain in this unfurnished apartment without a toilet seat and with a half-finished floor and no time to write my script and no money in my bank account- but actually I'm feeling just fine. I think my perpetually optimism is often clouded by my perpetual cynicism, but one can feel both I suppose.

I am projecting the film for a group of students at my University in Paris on Saturday, unfinished as it may be, with unmixed sound, no color correction, and very rough titles, on a terrible quality film projector to boot. Still, it'll be the very first time I see the images bigger than a computer monitor, so that's something to get excited about.

sinking?

2006-11-04T12:22:00.000-08:00

When one starts eating a dinner of canned tuna and canned corn standing over a kitchen sink with a plastic fork, one begins to feel that perhaps it is not too far to the days when someone else is guiding the fork towards my mouth....
I have to admit, things are not going fantastically. I have $8.95 (minus my 30,000 film school debt) in my bank account, am desperately trying to finish fixing up this apartment with no end in sight as I think I'm allegeric to the dust, feel too distracted to focus on my screenplay, have an unfinished film that I am scared to show to anyone, and am really annoyed that I liked the last New Yorker piece by Miranda July. I want to be able to say, why yes, I can do that, write good stories and direct indie features and get published in the New Yorker, but it really feels like I can barely figure out how to buy nails at a hardware store in Paris. My phone is not yet working and if I didn't have the internet I think I'd really be losing it alone in Paris on this chilly Saturday night.
Okay, one tiny bit of nice thoughts since I don't want to drag you down or worry my parents- I saw the documentarian Fred Wiseman at the cinemateque today, a rare opportunity to be sure. He spoke in French with a very similiar American accent and slightly broken French to my own, so I felt a little better. Maybe someday I can give an interview in French at the cinemateque. Honestly if I have to wait till I'm 70 that's okay with me too.

hearing voices

2006-10-23T12:14:00.000-07:00

Today I recorded 4 women for the possible roles of re-dubbing the mom and the narrator, including myself. All of them were quite good (except me), and now I have to decide which to choose.
Whenever I make an ounce of progress on the film I feel so much better, like maybe someday it'll get finished and screened in some sort of theater. I'm trying not to abadon my hopes for a 35mm blowup just yet, but video is looking so much more practial...why didn't I plan that all along??? Stupid school holding me out for false hopes.

holding pattern

2006-10-20T09:10:00.002-07:00

I know I am neglecting my dear blog. I'm embarassed to report very little progress on my little film. Basically, there is no money to finish my film, I am fixing an apartment instead of becoming a great artist, and its hard to imagine ever getting a negative cut and a film printed. Having gone through it before, I know there are a million steps between having the film "edited" and actually having a film print in hand. At the moment, I have neither the time, money, energy or enthusiasm....but maybe once I actually unpack my bags in my new apartment and have a moment to take a breathe, then these qualities will emerge.

I'm "squatting" in a friend of-a-friend's apartment for the meanwhile, praying that the new apartment will magically be ready to move into in ten days, complete with people to move my stuff and a new couch to sit on and waiting will be a grant to finish this film and graduate from graduate school. But realistically, I'll be "squatting" a little longer, wearing the same shirt for the third day in a row, writing my feature script that will also never be funded, and wondering when it will be time to sell my soul and work for MTV in London. 6 months?

(sorry to be so pessimistic today, need to take my vitamins)

holding pattern

2006-10-20T09:10:00.001-07:00

sound off

2006-10-06T12:47:00.000-07:00

I have travelled 6000 miles to get a visa so that I can go back to France and stay and work there. It seems a bit nuts but I'm happy to have the green sticker in my passport. Now, turning back around after on 4 days, back to Paris tomorrow.

This visit did afford me a chance to meet with a brand new soundguy, one who seems far more confident and committed. Yesterday we showed the film to one of SFSU's best professors, Pat Jackson, who is completely amazing and one of the top sound editors working now- she works with Walter Murch (probably one of the most famous editors in the world)...
So she saw my film and then provided a very detailed hour-long session on how we could use sound to make the film work better. It was so fantastic and useful and I am feeling really good about that...except for of course she thought my film was quite difficult to understand and had some really amateur qualities. But I'm very excited to move forward now and get this sound done. I have to record some new voiceover, which is a bit of pain but I think will be well worth it.

It's October 6th today and I have a goal of finishing sound in 3-4 weeks. I want to enter the film in Clermont-Ferrand and Berlin, and those deadlines are pressing on me. Most importantly, I need money to finish this film. Whether I go to 35mm or Digibeta tape, both are going to cost mucho dinero, I'm praying that my school in Paris is feeling very generous. Unlikely.

A very big week

2006-09-21T14:41:00.000-07:00

So much has happened in the past 8 days I feel crazed- though none of it really relates to the film so I hesitated to blog it. But alas, filmmakers have lives outside of their filmmaking (though sometimes it doesn't feel like it). In the past 8 days I flew to England, became engaged to the man I love, moved his stuff into his new apartment in London where he started his new job, had my 29th birthday, came to Paris, signed on a new apartment here, sadly gone to the funeral of a lovely man- the father of a friend here, and (most impressive of all given the French bureaucracy) managed to get an electric bill in my name in the new apartment. It all feels a bit unreal as I look at this sparkling bling on my hand and think about furniture arrangements. Remodeling the apartment is next on the list- which is awfully similar to planning a movie really- having no clue what you're doing and praying for the best.

I have very little movie news except there isn't a pile of money waiting to fund the finishing of my film here, but perhaps it will appear next week. In the mean time, I'm dying to get going on sound design and am meeting my editor tomorrow.

back in action

2006-09-06T23:14:00.000-07:00

After a very long rest on the pause button, I have returned to filmmaking (when I'm not attending weddings or working as a temporary receptionist in a cockroach-infested downtown office). I hope my readers haven't forgotten about me (hi mom)...
Today I showed my film to my advisor on campus who said it was "beautiful but a bit unclear". I think this may be code for "I hate it" but she is too nice to ever know the truth. She doesn't know if people will understand that the old lady gives birth to the little girl, but she did say I could clarify a lot with the sound design. It was good to get feedback and feel like they will indeed let me graduate and not disown me forever. Basically, I am just going to have to get used to the reaction of "it looks great (but what the hell are you talking about?)"

I also recorded sound with various actors of various talents and it was quite fun. Two didn't show up and one got lost but I still got some voiceover that I have plans for. One dude was a pro-wrestling announcer (I didn't know this until the end of the session) and we recorded a hilarious, "Get ready to rrrrrrrrrrummmmmble" thing- which obviously has no place in my movie but was too funny not to record. Maybe I can make an interesting sound collage with it.

I'm heading back to europe in 5 days, sadly without a job or visa, but happily with my film, apartment and boy waiting on the otherside of the atlantic. Some people say that once you cross the atlantic you're never on the right side, I think I'm still trying to figure out if this is true for me.

time slows down

2006-07-25T13:31:00.000-07:00

Minnesota is very quiet.
I am two weeks into my vacation and it feels like two months. I am frustrated I haven't accomplished more- why haven't I written that brilliant screenplay or finished the DVD or entered the film into festivals??? I supposed I am being hard on myself, but I feel like with all this time on my hands I should become super-productive, not super-lazy.

My sound is basically being kidnapped by my sound guy. He is not responding to my email pleas (are you reading this?) and he is in sole possession of my sound files (I have backups in Paris)...so, I guess I will be content to wait.

I rewatched my film today after not seeing it for a couple of weeks. It is perhaps not as atrocious as I thought.

homecoming unfinished

2006-07-12T18:52:00.000-07:00

It felt like an epic journey getting home- a night in Nice, a flight, a night in Bristol, a drive to Heathrow, a flight to Iceland, a long movie-less flight from Iceland to Minneapolis, a walk up two flights of endlessly familiar stairs into my yellow room and sleep. Now I am sleepy again, after a first day here. I like Minnesota and feel very calm here. It is hard to feel stress in a state like this. There are so many lakes and trees and flowers about. The roads are so wide and everyone drives slow. People are large and friendly. Some little boys waved to me as I let them pass at a yield sign. In Paris they'd run you down.

I need to finish my film.

I have left to do: sound, subtitles, DVD, film titles, lab work, mixing, color correction, film festivals, budgeting, lab print with negative cutting, optical negative, publicity kits, website updating, and fundraising.

I have energy to do: nothing.

So, I guess it is up to Minnesota to recharge my batteries and find the drive to put it all together. Perhaps I need to swim in all 10,000 lakes. I wonder if anyone has ever done that.

musique et fuutbaal

2006-06-28T15:35:00.000-07:00

On Monday I managed to get four talented musicians into the tiny, ill-equipped school recording studio. It was about a hundred degrees in there and I was stuck next to the recording engineer, chain-smoking hand-rolled cigarettes the entire day. I have a hard enough time communicating to actors and cameramen what I'm looking for, but musicians was a whole other ballgame. "more abstract", "no, more jazzy", "no, less like that kind of jazz", "uh, could you play something happier", "can you all just imagine there are all these dancing 5 year olds in the room", "oh, that didn't work, okay, back to abstract"....and on and on. But in the end we got a million takes to work with and I think it is quite cool to have original music to work with. The price was 74 euros= 40 euros for a tank of gas, 30 euros for lunch and 4 euros for brownies and coffees. A reasonable deal I'd say.

So, the picture is edited (8 minutes with credits), the music is recorded, and now the sound has to be "designed" and mixed. I am going to record the final voiceovers this weekend. As for ever getting a 35mm print (the dream/the goal/the myth), I have to wait until my school budget is revised (???) and pray until September. If all goes miraculously well, and it never does, I'll be 100% done by October.

In the meantime, I need to start working on a feature script...something without a 5 year old star...

Going in circles

2006-06-19T15:21:00.000-07:00

Editing is perhaps the hardest part so far. I know I haven't been blogging that much, I think it is because I already spend the entire day in front of a computer and am trying to avoid them outside of the editing room. Saint Denis, where our ancient is located, is dirty and hot. Twice this past week the water has been down at the school- causing bathroom incidents beyond disgust. There are cigarette butts and graffiti and teenagers bugging you to use my cell phone and smoke a joint with them and it is not a very conducive environment to contemplation. So, I try to find solutions. If this was a flatbed I know I'd be more limited but I am cursed with infinite choice and yet the footage doesn't seem to have any interest in telling the story I want it to tell.
I've been constantly reworking the structure with my editor and she is getting frustrated with me. So we've been arguing a lot which is even less conducive to filmmaking.

We showed a cut last week to around 8 people. Not one of them understood it- really, most of them said they were totally lost. So we went back to the more linear structure that is in the script- but it feels flat and disjointed and boring. We've got lots of different little post-it notes of all the different scenes and we keep shifting them and trying to figure out if changing the whole order can make any bit of sense. At this point, I'm wondering if it really has to make sense or should I just give up and go for pure madness.

The schedule is also driving me mad- is it worth it to try to get everything done in the next 2.5 weeks or accept I have to put things on hold for 3 months this summer? very very very tired and frustrated.

dont' forget me!

2006-06-05T14:02:00.000-07:00

I know I've been terrible- not blogging for a whole month...
Well, the film was on a little post-production pause....but is now fully on play.
I showed my professor my rushes. He was extremely dissapointed, he said I "must break it apart and destroy everything" in editing. Which is what I've now set out to do, I agree with him that it is too clean, too sterile, not magical. I'm not sure how to overcome this..maybe getting phoebe tooke out here for some optical printing (are you listening??)
I have an Avid at my school. It is archaic and running the version that I believe came out shortly after the last ice age. But it appears (knock on wood) very stable, and we have a private, but very very very unglamorous, little room all to ourselves for three weeks. I've found a wonderful student to be my editor and I'm extremely happy I'm not in this alone. She's nice and easy going and so far, four days into synching up clips, so good.
Finally today we reached the "starting" point- it took since Thursday just to get all the media imported and subclipped and the sound in synch with the picture.
An important lesson for all future filmmakers: Make your script person take copious notes, make sure your slate is legible in every shot, and if you can afford a time-code capable sound recorder, get it.
I've learned a bit the hard way on these few points.

Well, for the next three weeks I'm digging in to this editing mess- then comes sound- and then hopefully getting something finished before I head home for the summer. This is looking less and less likely. I think I'm going to have to delay my official graduation until the fall. I guess that's okay.

transatlantic telecinema

2006-05-09T15:21:00.000-07:00

I just got home from Eclair, where they gave me 4 hours in a gorgeous Spirit (top of the line) telecinema machine with a very nice young colorist, all for a much reduced price. So, I've seen my rushes. Almost 80 minutes of film. They are very clean. They look like a real movie. Not a scratched-up grainy overexposed student thing, but very very real. The color is quite lovely and some of the shots are great. Some of the shots seem to lack the magic that I am looking for and that's why I am scared. My biggest fear is it will look professional but be boring.

I was planning on bringing the tapes to california but now I realize where will I find a PAL dvcam deck at sfsu and the colorist said no-way can it got through an xray, so alas, I guess I'll just keep them here in Paris.
Yes, I'm off to san francisco in 11 hours. Have not packed, nor chosen a dress to wear to wedding, nor bought any acceptable shoes, nor cleaned my kitchen, nor made the calls I was going to make....but alas, I will do all that very soon.
Or perhaps best to sleep first....

Decompressing

2006-04-27T15:14:00.000-07:00

nathalie gets light-metered
Originally uploaded by que sera sera.

The film is at the lab and I am finally starting to relax...a little. I've posted lots more pictures on my flickr page but you have to be "friends and family"- I count all my blog-fans in that group...so if you want to see them let me know and I'll "invite" you.

In the meanwhile I have to be very patient and just wait to see what sort of image appears on the film- what if there is a horrible technical problem? I can only imagine what awaits- editing nightmare...but really when I see pictures as cute as this I have a little bit more hope. Those who see the film will never have to know what coaxing we had to go through...

Re: Resto: comptage

2006-04-24T12:26:00.000-07:00

Arghhhhhhh.

I just spent more than 11 hours in my rental car!!!!!!!!!
Returning crap and making three round trips from one side of paris to the other, always in terrible traffic, always getting lost, very very very tired and never want to go in a car again. Though I am now an official expert paris driver.

I made so many mistakes- forgetting the extension cords we rented at home and having to make and extra trip, not planning things at all efficiently, driving the wrong way about a million times, showing up at a lens rental house just as the 1.5 hour lunch break had started......

Well, it is done and I can walk again in my (still very messy with props) apartment. Must sleep but haven’t yet done my grammar homework. Le subjuntif anyone?

It's a wrap!

2006-04-23T03:56:00.000-07:00

We finished shooting at 6 pm yesterday, on an absolutely gorgeous spring day, in a beautiful park in paris. I had not anticipated how many flowers and blossoms there would be and that made me very happy. Nathalie was quite the nightmare- being a capricious brat and really trying our patience with her antics. But we had another 5-year old in the film, and I realize how relatively great Nathalie is, because the other girl, though equally adorable, was nowhere near the actress Nathalie is.

Friday we filmed in the back storage area of this cinemaplex- all went fairly well and I was feeling okay. We got out of there 30 minutes later than we promised, but I don't think that was the end of the world...but then I learned yesterday that after I had left, one of the crew member's car had the engine left running for a little bit and smoked up the loading dock area. This set off the cinema's fire alarm system, fire walls and all were activated within 1 minute, 4 screenings had to be stopped and the cinema had to refund tickets! I have no idea if they will hold us responsible, apparantly my AD thinks we should just send them some fruit baskets and pray...so we will.

Well, fire alarms and all, I am so relieved it is over. My apartment is a total mess, there is hardly room to walk with the camera and lights and props everywhere, and I can't wait to get rid of it and start anew. The film goes to the lab monday and then the wait begins and we pray we have an image and that image is what we filmed and that the whole thing can edit together into a semi-coherent movie. But I am not going to think about that for at least two weeks.

no time, no space, no energy

2006-04-21T13:52:00.000-07:00

I have about 3 square feet of space to make it from my door to the bed- which is really all I need since I'm spending so much more time than I planned at the shoot. Somehow this was going to be the shoot of "6 hour days" that turned into 12 or 14 hour days...how???
It has been so exhausting and I'm dying for it to be over (tomorrow! plus returning gear on Monday)....but today was actually quite good and Nathalie was behaved, a miracle given yesterday I wanted to strangle her. She is a good actress and knows what I want when the camera rolls, but still, why does she have to take a milion hours to get coaxed into doing another take? Well, today was smoother and hopefully tomorrow even more.
I need to get to sleep and prepare my shot lists and so this is a quiet and uneventful friday night. Looking at some stills today made me so hopeful- maybe it really will look cool when it is done- at least no one who sees it will have to go through what we've been through this week.

nothing is easy

2006-04-18T12:55:00.000-07:00

After four straight days of filming I am totally wiped out. I haven't been sleeping well. My house is covered in film gear and lights and props and junk. There is nothing in my fridge except film stock and some sandwich meat for the crew. Yesterday Nathalie fell while playing with her brother in the streets and (though she did not really hurt herself) decided she couldn't walk right after that (this is before the shooting started)...so in these shots where she is supposed to be running she is sort of half-limping along. Plus I chose this lovely pedestrian passage that is normally semi-calm, but given that it was "easter monday" (a holiday here), everyone and their mother was crammed into this street where we were trying to film. Pretty awful.

Today was better, we shot in the lovely pet cemetary under perfect weather for a relatively short 8-hour day. But some crew got lost on the way there and some people were mad about the lack of fancy lunch and it still was nowhere near easy. But, it is getting a wee bit better. Or maybe I'm just deliriously tired. I have no perspective. I don't even know if what we're shooting is the movie I mean to shoot or just the one I planned out. Tomorrow we have a day to organize and run around and find props and that is very good. Then three more days shooting and then I will just collapse with joy when this is over. I am not meant for this. Well, maybe if I had a real production company that did all the details and drove me around and made me lunch and coffee. And paid me. Okay, I'll do it.

hello world

2006-04-16T16:33:00.000-07:00

it's 1:30 am and I am home, squeezed in between a million cases of lights and camera gear- finally ready to get to bed. very tired. the past four days have been a bit hellish and I think I've gained many gray hairs.
Thursday and Friday preparation did not go as planned. Equipment was not picked up, nothing was smooth, everything basically went wrong and I was freaking out Friday. But we still started shooted on Saturday. We were supposed to stop shooting at 10:30pm, we stopped after 1 am, poor Nathalie, delirious with sleep, I didn't get home till 3 am...plus we were all starving as the assistant "forgot to bring the dinner"...oops. then one crew member's car broke down at 2:30 a.m. on the periphery.... very, very bad first day. today was much better, but still really hard on me. I really hate producing which is a lot of what I'm doing right now- why, oh why oh why. never again will i make a real film without a production company and producer. It's good thing this is my thesis film because I can't keep being the one cooking the lunch, chauffering the materials, and calling the shots. horribly overwhelming and unenjoyable...
I pray this week gets easier. And I sleep.

Counting down

2006-04-12T13:08:00.000-07:00

Things are getting extremely stressful around here- feel like it's all barely hanging together and there is a lot of little details to work out. What will the crew eat? How will everyone get to the locations, some of which are quite far away...How will we lug all our crap there? Who can make me a PAL videotape of American television news in the next 24 hours? Will the fake belly be ready on time? And on and on and on.

Yesterday I met with a good editor- thank god I've finally found someone I click with- and I talked a very talented musician friend into composing a score. Today I met with my DP (stressful, he feels I'm not prepared, adding to the actual reality of us not being prepared), picked up the lights at my school (involving practically breaking down the doors to get entrance to the now closed campus), tutored english ("lets talk about making my movie") and made about a million phone calls and emails. And tomorrow it's camera tests, drop film off at the lab, pick up props, meet with sound crew, rehearse with some actors, pick up more props, sent out reminder emails and get sleep....Friday is run around finding gear, all-crew meeting and final mad-dashing. Saturday the camera starts rolling....I hope. So that's really all for now.
Will try to update the blog lots during the shoot. A good record of my madness I hope.

nathalie in the catacombs

2006-04-11T15:21:00.000-07:00

nathalie in the catacombs
Originally uploaded by que sera sera.

Just to show you how impossibly cute our young star is, check out this picture from our first day of shooting. What do you think of the costume? Much agony of the coat, which was originally going to be dark blue.

Three days to go- camera tests, equipment pick-ups, rehearsals, call-sheets, food organizing, and a massive prop search are all underway. Tonight I found a peacock feather for the "lost and found". The shoot seems so immense and I am already very tired.

busy bee

2006-04-08T00:53:00.000-07:00

It has been an extremely busy week and I keep meaning to blog. The police are still everywhere- I see truckloads of them driving down Blvd. St. Michel everynight. Looking for action? I don't know. The country seems wrapped up in a hugely confusing mess. Yesterday, muh to my frustration, my school was blocked (again). This meant I couldn't enter the buildings, and therefore couldn't pick up the lights I had reserved for the shoot. There was about a hundred students milling around outside the campus, half of them dissapointed and half of them in festive-its-spring-break mode. Most of them smoking cigarettes and enjoying the spring weather. But the ones I talked to were just fed up- they all seem to support the movement but not the tactics. A small percentage of students and administrators, all of them anti-cpe-movement-supporters, hold a vote, announced at the last minute, held in some non-central location, that determines they are going to block access to the university. And it's done.

Well, I'm told I'll be snuck in to secure my lights next week so I'm not going to worry to much. The shoot starts one week from today. I feel good about it and terrified. We actually had a little shoot on Wednesday already- me, the DP, the girl and her mom. The four of us went incognito for a secret location shoot. I would say it went okay- only a few tears shed over a nightgown incident, no more lice eggs in the haircut, one ice-cream bribes, and lots of running to keep up with Nathalie. Why do 5 year olds have so much energy?

budding

2006-04-02T07:25:00.000-07:00

The past two days the most amazing amount of buds have suddenly appeared on all the trees. It feels like if I hold me breath they might slowly all pop into leaves as I exhale. I am counting on sudden spring blooms to bring life and energy into my movie. The camera problem has been resolved, I pray, by renting a camera. Money can do amazing things. It turned out much less than I thought- and we'll have a nicer camera model and our beautiful zeiss lenses and that makes me very, very happy. But alas, in a few days we're shooting the tunnel scene- without a permit, alas. Which means, our star must have her costume by then. Yesterday I had an exhausting time looking at every children's clothing shop in Paris for the perfect coat- 5 hours of searching and nothing remotely acceptible. I am apparently totally out of season- all pastel pinks and lime greens. Tres embettant! Plus, our starlette caught headlice at sleepaway camp last week and is now quite itchy. yikes yikes yikes.

Well, the shoot is happening lice or no lice, rain or shine.

arrghhh

2006-03-29T08:37:00.000-08:00

I'm having a very frustrating day in the world of film and my university. Went in early to have our "technical orientation" with the camera dude- who is essentially insane. The camera is from the dark ages and has been reformatted to super-16. Fine, I can deal with that as the last film I worked on was on a super-16mm bolex and the footage came out beautifully. But, apparently the lens mount thing is not right for the lenses that we've rented. Very complicated to explain, but trust me- it's bad. Plus, feel enormous pressure from my AD who is overworked and thinks I'm nuts too. Plus, my professor keeps insisting we try to do the "lost and found" scene in galleries layfatte or something absurdly impossible like that. Plus, the school's budget is mysteriously shrinking and apparently we've got to take it "one day at a time".

Basically, I am happy to have embarked on a project using my school- there are a lot of great people there helping me and they are helping fund it. But, I'm also dying of frustration because I can't seem to raise the quality of my film if I want to make it within the confines on the university. Part of me is just tempted to got out and spend a ton of money renting a half decent camera...but is it worth the $2000 if I can get the crap one for free? These questions of money really get to me. In a way, I think it is completely unjustified to make movies in a time when the money could be much better spent. In a way I want to take advantage of all the resources available to me and milk the system for all its worth. What's frustrating is spending hours negotiating with all these foreign companies, in a language I barely speak, for equipment I've never used....and to have a very unclear notion of how much money I've got to begin with. well, it's just a movie. deep breath. laugh. repeat.

counting down

2006-03-25T06:42:00.000-08:00

In only three weeks the shoot starts. I'm surprisingly calm. I feel like perhaps I should start to panic- good lord, I'm still without one location, short one electrician, not sure if the funding will come through, etc- but I realize that the panic won't help and things will come together as long as I continue to get out of bed everyday (hard with this endless rain) and make a little progress towards the shoot. My cinematographer and I have been brainstorming how to create some of the "special effect" shots and we have a bit of testing to do in the next two weeks.

And then there is the political picture. My school is quite a mess. I went in on Wednesday and could've sworn it was a communist party organizing rally- musicians, red flags, political speaches, and all. Everyone at Paris 8 appears completely behind the students campaign against this new labor law. From my little American perspective, it is quite an unbelievable scene as being fired is sort of taken for granted in our working world- lifetime guareenteed job are incredibly rare, certainly not a worker's right. This is a culture that loves revolutions. To see what it is like at my school, watch this interesting slideshow:
http://www.lemonde.fr/web/portfolio/0,12-0@2-734511,31-754099@51-725561,0.html

I worry that the strikes will interfere with the film- but am hoping for the best and just accepting that one must go with the flow.

photoblogging

2006-03-20T14:05:00.000-08:00

DSCN1345
Originally uploaded by que sera sera.

Oh I just figured out how to photoblog directly through flickr whilst helping my mother set up her own blog. Yes, soon the world of nora's art will be blogged on a daily basis. She saw a painting-a-day blog where this artist sells a painting on his blog everyday and is intrigued by the idea. I wonder if I could sell movies on my blog. or script ideas? or free random bits of dialogue overheard on the metro?

The Sorbonne is encircled with police, shut on all sides. My school is now on strike too. Things are getting even more "chaud" as winter turns to spring.

This pictures from the Jardin d'Acclimation in paris. We went on a cold day in January and it was empty and we walked right into the hall of glass and mirrors without even paying.

walnuts

2006-03-19T11:25:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I walked along the Seine as thousands of protestors marched over me on a bridge. Now, as I watch contemporary dance on TV I can't help but thinking that France is a society that hasn't given up. Or maybe it's all of europe. They are trying to prove that you can have your cake- support for culture, environmental protections, health care, rights for workers not to be treated as cows- and eat it too. America has given up on so many of these delectable morsels. The American attitude is always, "That's taxpayers money you're wasting" or, "Who will pay for it?". Of course they rarely say that about this war.

And Walnuts. Yesterday I saw Bertolucci's "The Conformist" at the Cinematheque. In one short scene we enter the office of someone- a small character, a government person or a facist spy or something- he's eating walnuts off this beautfiul little wooden sculpture of a lady. He's cracking the nuts with a nutcracker as he talks, given his brief sermon on some assisination or other (I couldn't pay attention to that as I was too absorbed in the art direction), and as the camera pulls out we see that every horizontal shelf space in the room is lined with walnuts. His bookshelves, his desk, his mantle. But this is never part of the discussion, which is strictly business. And then it's over and we never return to the nuts or the character.

It is hard to explain why I feel so liberated by the walnuts. Maybe because American cinema would never dare to have the nuts. Every element must have a purpose and a meaning and clearly move the story forward, or so goes the dictum. But Bertolucci dreamed this government officer would be in an office covered in walnuts and so it was. And it is Sunday night, I've just had a nice rehearsal (very few tears) with my film's starlette and public TV is dedicating these 2 hours to gorgeous Spanish dancing, filmed beautifully.

filmmaking in a revolution

2006-03-16T11:05:00.000-08:00

French students are out in force against the "CPE" - a newly enacted law that will make it easier to fire young people, under 26, in their jobs. It is really hard for me to figure out what is going on and what to think about this issue. My university is on strike today too and many students went to a huge protest today. In the US it seems so impossible to imagine all the universities going on strike to fight a labor contract. American studetns are so much more apathetic it is incredible to see how active these students are.

Well, filmmaker continues. Less than a month to go. Nervous on all fronts. The starlette bursed into tears at rehearsal over a coloring book issue. The lost and found location is all but lost. I need someone with a car to be a production assistant but dont' want a crew that's any bigger than it already has ballooned. Well, i'm tryuing not to freak out and just make progress every day. I wish I wasn't producing it- I wish that there was this big production company that just figured out all the location permits, equipment, budget, and labs for me...some day perhaps.

strikes and hailstorms

2006-03-10T09:01:00.000-08:00

On Wednesday when I went to my University there were huge spray-painted letters on the building, "PARIS 8 NON AU CPE"...essentially, since they couldn't participate in the metro-workers, train-workers, postal, or journalist strikes, the students felt they should have one of their own. Okay, I'm cruel, but striking is fricking the national pastime here. So, my University, amoung many others, will be intermitently shut down whenever it is deemed. It is some national strike against a new contract for young people- the CPE is the name of the contract I gather- and it says that you can be hired and (gasp) fired at will for the first 2 years of employement (I think, though I'm not clear of the details). The fact that one could actually be fired is extremely difficult for French people, who think of a job (even at 22 years old) as a sort of lifetime contract, to grasp. Well, I don't really care about these contracts too much- but alas, this strike may be truly a problem. My professor warned me, half-jokingly I think, that this could mean the university gets shut down full-stop for weeks. and university closure = no equipment, no money, no crew, no movie-making! But I think it is a bit premature to sound the alarm.

In slightly better news, my film "Nest" was selected for a little film festival in Denmark called Aarhus Festival of Independent Arts. My first european screening! Perhaps the Danish audience is where my true fanbase lies...must investigate!

seasonal pressure

2006-03-01T14:15:00.000-08:00

Last night I was having dinner with some friends and I looked out their big windows and saw huge clumps of wet snow pouring down mixed with flashes of lightning. It was like a rain shower had morphed into a thunderstorm into a snowstorm far too quickly for the weather to handle and the effect was beautiful. Walking back to the metro I was the first person to put my footprints into the snow (this being just outside Paris where this isn't much foot traffic) and it was eeriely quiet and amazing. Why is it that rain and gray has the most depressing effect but seeing snow falling can be so enchanting? Better than snow yet, was the sunshine that followed today. We havent' had hardly any sun in the past 2 months and I'm starting to lose it. But this morning we had a good few hours of real sun. I visited my step-father, confined to a wheelchair in the dismal world of a retirement home. We push open the doors and took a spin around the block and just felt the sun for a minute. quite sublime.

This really has nothing to do with my film. Perhaps writing this shows you the completely distracted and procrastinating state I'm in. The film is progressing piece by piece, but as my professor and cinematographer both pointed out to me today, do I know the clear meaning and purpose of every scene and will the audience know it. To this nothing arises in response but panic. My response to panic is, naturally, procrastination. In fact I'm getting on a train to visit London in exactly 9 hours. I haven't packed yet. I just watched "Big Fish" on DVD and cried at all the sentimental places. And now I'm blogging. stoppppp.

stop time

2006-02-23T11:09:00.000-08:00

The film seems to be moving ahead without me- we shoot in 7 weeks and I still have to find 3 more actors, an art director, gaffer, permission to shoot in lost-and-found, a bolex to sneak into the catacombs and a green screen. I feel a bit overwhelmed by it all- especially since I've had a yucky cold all week. Paris is so cold and rainy that I just get sick every 3rd week...though perhaps I caught this cold in snowy italy. Yesterday, my assistant director and I went to Eclair- one of France's biggest labs. We negotiated a 50% discount on their 200% over-inflated prices...winding up around a sort of half-way point between Fotokem and Monaco labs. In France it appears you have to stick with one lab from beginning to end- not like the states where you can piece together labs for processing, telecine, blowup, etc... Well, the whole thing is quite stressful because I really need to choose a lab that my school will approve and pay for, as well as choose a pathway to go from my super-16mm film to a final print and/or video...it's all very complicated and I have a million prices swirling in my head and it is not always evident which route to follow.

In other news, French olyimpic coverage is so wierd. I was all happy to be watching figure skating and drinking my tea. They were playing it live, not cutting for commercials and not doing any stupid biopic things...but then after 15 minutes, before any of the top skaters had gone, they just stopped- end of show. Time for the news- which plays on like 50 channels and is endlessly boringly chatting about the bird flu...arghh. Where is my toe-to-toe ice queen cut-throat competition? Where is the tear-stained sequined russian princess? Where are the flowers falling on the ice? ah non, c'est l'heure du journal, patinage est fini apres 15 minutes, tant pis pour vous...
zut.

okay...it's later this evening and I would like to make a withdrawal of previous statement- my ice skating will be on in 5 minutes and you can ignore my previous complaining. Except I would like to add that I am not as wierd and obsessed than this may seem. I'm quite focused on my filmmaking and this is just my guilty pleasure since i"m sick and my boyfriend went to a bachelor party and i'm alone drinking tea. bonne nuit.

labo et filles et bureaus

2006-02-05T13:30:00.000-08:00

Finding out information in france can be slower than a train ticket queue in India. It has taken over 3 weeks to get exact pricing information at one of France's top film labs, Eclair. impossible to get an appointment. Finally they sent a detailed spreadsheet that mysteriously totalled 8,600 Euros (in lab fees, including a "generous" 30% reduction). Now, in the US labs come in wide range of prices, but they don't usually charge things like 90 euros for "flexfile disks" (essentially, a file they can email), an extra 150 euros for wetgating, 33 euros for testing their own chemicals...and so on. Well, it's frusterating and I am trying 4 other labs to get pricing info, but everyone takes this slow relationship that I don't have the time to build...

then more bad news, the lost and found said "no" to our scene in their office...our 10 people was too many for the shoot (4 actors, 6 crew)...now I'm going to have to beg them or something else.

I found a pregant woman willing to pose nude.

And...yeah! I have chosen my little girl! She is extremely cute. I'm terrified about working with a 5 year old but i'm going to do the best i can in the 2 months I have to prepare her. Any tips about very very young actresses will be accepted.
This week, more casting and more locations and more friends visiting and more missing my brit.

Strange times

2006-02-01T02:17:00.000-08:00

I'm having a few problems:

First, I am addicted to the internet and seeking treatment. Seriously, I do not need to check the news that often, nor browse eBay for antique rings, scan craigslist for future jobs, read film gossip about sundance and other film festivals that I fear I will never get into, spend hours booking travel or thinking about it, search paris vendu for 80 square meter dream homes to buy in the 5th...this has got to stop. I have new rules in place and will be systematically reducing my internet junkie habits. Starting now.

Second, time seems to be passing too fast (in terms of when I will shoot my movie), too slow (in terms of when my boyfriend will be back and town), and distances seem to be loosing shape too- I feel a million miles from the U.S. when I learn our Supreme Court is now stocked with pro-lifers, but I feel Australia is a step away from Paris as my friends are visiting next week. Time-space is all out of whack. Can anyone fix it?

and now, your favorite section...Reports from the French bureaucracy:
I finally went in to enroll in French social security (cool, I get this number that'll last me forever apparently) and the lady said all my papers were fine except I was missing my "authorization de travail" (which was not on the list of required documents) and to come back. So, I went back the next day, to the VERY SAME lady, with my correct document. Now apparently the photocopy of my visa in my passport was too faint and she couldn't make out the dates. "C'est impossible!" I will need to get new passport/visa all worked out before registering, this will take several months...but wait, will this scrap of a photocopy of my visa that I have in my wallet do for you? It is minutely more legible...why, yes this is fine! Amazing. French people basically decide very arbitrarily when they want to be nice to you. When they are in a "yes" mood everything is quite good and all the doors open beautifully, when they are in a "no" mood it is very hard to even find the door.

Chilled sunshine

2006-01-25T12:45:00.000-08:00

Every Wednesday I wake up early with a small knot in my stomach. Will professor HS say nasty things about my script, my utter lack of progress, my rich american background...or will he be helpful and generous and a bit inspiring. His "class" consists of a sort of open office hours where students come in for 3 hours and either wait their turn to chat with him, or get a chance to hear long divergent stories of past productions. However, he is quite insightful and experienced and does seem to care a great deal about his students' productions. Well, today he was in a good mood and extremely flattering about my script and gave me the final "official" word that the project had been accepted- as in, the school will provide the camera, pay most of the film/lab/lighting fees, and even pay my cinematographer a small fee...hallelujah! Having one's film financed feels completely amazing. I must try this more often. It makes me want to stay in europe forever....which I may have to do given someone picked off my passport this weekend in Spain.

I wont hold it against the entire country though, and I thought Barcelona was really lovely. My boy and I had fun wandering the cute little streets, drinking really good coffee, seeing the gaudi monuments, and having yummy dinners with my dad and step-mom. Late nights including drinking some terrible mojitos at an artsy-student bar, dancing at a super cool giant 100-year old club (with these funny mimes who kept the line outside quiet), and lounging in late night cafes with brazilian drinks (I forgot the name)....so besides the extra visit to the consulate, missed flight, and final going to the airport 3 times in 3 days, it was a good trip. Though he is england and i'm am, for the first time in ages, all alone. very alone.

And now I'm attempting to research a paper for school. The first paper I've written in French for real school...yikes...j'ai peur!

sleeping and eating

2006-01-15T10:59:00.000-08:00

The past few weeks in Paris have been quite nice. I've had three visitors- Gabrielle, Tina and Wahid- all wonderful. I've been eating out in nice restaurants and going to places and trying to put away the work and sleep lots and play more. Still, it is hard to escape the feeling of guilt. Must draw storyboards! Must cast film! Must find little girl!
On that note, I did hold an audition yesterday with 7 actors. I think several of them will work for small roles and I'm about ready to make some final decisions...yippee. Plus, I re-auditioned a little girl who I'm kind of falling for- she's super cute but very naturalistic and not camera-conscious. Best of all, the sun has been out for the weekend, which makes everything glow a little brighter.
We had mint tea and baklava in the Paris Mosque, very cool- feels like a Turquish cafe. We saw music in a bar and ate lovely fresh fish and half-melted chocolate cake...
so, life is rich and good.

moving forwards and back

2006-01-07T10:17:00.000-08:00

Officially, I will not be attending the berlinale talent campus. It seems fairly competitive (about 15% get in), so I'm not going to get too dissapointed, well I am but I'm moving on. I'm going to make up for it by going somewhere far more romantic than Berlin for Valentine's day.

Tiny bits of progress- I have cast an old lady! She's very cute and old and has been in many short films, even some television and some theater. She read the lines beautifully and has a very open minded spirit. Her name is Annik. I will put a picture soon.

And I've found several good locations- including the cimitiere des chiens in Asnieres. Tomorrow I'm looking at another place for the role of "American House". Funding seems to be moving forward too. I'm actually putting a 16mm to 35mm blowup in my budget...keeping fingers crossed for that.

highs and lows

2006-01-03T13:24:00.000-08:00

First and foremost, I didn't mean to snub some blog readers by claiming others were number one. I love all my readers and am quite amazed and honored anyone would read this.

Now to my thoughts on highs and lows. Filmmaking is so frustrating. I had my first film, "Nest" rejected from yet another film festival. blah blah blah. I know it is just a first effort, and it's far from perfect, but when I watch it I am not ashamed and I even dare say I like it sometimes and it makes me sad that the only people who've seen it are a handful at my school and other school film festivals and the students in my English class. I just ge4t depressed from these rejections cause it feels so impossible to get your work out there and I know that there are thousands of other filmmakers like me feeling the same way.

Then, according to the website of the Berlinale Talent Campus, they've notified all their acceptances and if I haven't heard anything yet I'm on the waiting list...which is like, so incredibly vague, because that could be a 20 person wait list or it could be a 2000 person wait list. I really, really want to go. But I also know that it's just one little opportunity and others will come my way. Struggle and rejection is supposed to make us stronger, right? or just plain down.

On a high note, I did have a lovely new years eve. French people are so funny and different. My boy and I went to a fun little dinner party. Appetizers (oysters, foie gras, shrimp, you know, the usual 20-something graduate student finger food...) were served around 10, lots of champagne was drunk (real French bubbly), and then not until 1:30 am did the big meal come out- turkey, chicken, duck, etcetera...We tried to make it to another party but the metro was taking forever and we gave up around 3:30 am. Needless to say, I went to bed full, happy and a wee bit tipsy....

Homecoming

2005-12-31T04:05:00.000-08:00

I'm typing on the airplane. I have a horribly long day- ottawa-
montreal-frankfurt-paris....why why why? Still, I feel very calm and
peaceful and now I am on my montreal-frankfurt leg and very grateful to have
an empty seat next to me and a smooth ride thus far. Sadly, the two movies
are "must love dogs" and "ocean's 12". Though I have seen neither I really
have no interest in seeing them either. Oh my special meal is here. This
looks soooo much worse than the food coming from paris, which was deluxe.
Well, a glass of wine and a cheesy movie should knock me out for the rest of
the flight. This dumb movie is making me cry. Why do I love john cuzack
so? It must be the altitude.

Okay, now I'm back in my apartment. Oh I feel groggy and jet-lagged. Why
can't you people work on teleportation? This whole
time-zone-jet-lag-flying-thing is getting old!
It's new year's eve and I'm hoping to stay awake till midnight, go to some
fun parties, and drink too much (Real French!) champagne (as opposed to the
normal 4.99 trader joe's sparkling wine and share a midnight kiss with my
love. I'm hoping to run into my number one blog reader Gabrielle on the
rues de paris...

kulture shok

2005-12-18T13:31:00.000-08:00

I faked sleep on the last leg of the flight, Chicago to Minneapolis. The two guys next to me discussed various topics- going to Sturges, riding in a hummer limo, hunting, rifles, water heater repair, the various bases in north and south dakota, the "Jack Daniels Girls" ("easy on the eyes"), and metal versus plastic pipes. Guy number one paid for the drink of Guy number two- just being Midwestern friendly. I faked waking up and explained my exhausted state of flying in from France and the three hours stuck in O'hare. Guy one, "Paris, huh? They're not really on our side right?" More factually stated than a question.

No, non non. Life is surely different here. As my dad correctly summed up, everyone at the airport looks like they just rolled out of bed and wearing their pajamas. While slurping their 40 ounces of Starbucks coffee (4 starbucks stores alone in terminal 2B, as soon as you had passed by one the next was in sight).

But then I get into my beautiful old house in Minnesota, freshly coated in snow, the temperature hovering around zero farenheit, delicious food awaiting, newspapers and the entire year's back issues of New Yorker's waiting on me, and I feel quite happily home. Plus I went swimming and I only had to share the lane with one other person and it was so clean and friendly and wonderful.

So, two weeks to focus on relaxing and writing and then back to the gray sky and drizzle. And beautiful people and warm croissants and menus that read like poetry.

Ca va bien

2005-12-15T06:11:00.000-08:00

I'm quite pleased at the moment. Yesterday I held a fairly miserable audition- only 4 actors showed up and I have yet to cast a single role....yet I am moving well ahead with my crew. The most exciting thing is the addition of a kick-ass DP, Armel Hostiuo. He is a graduate of La Femis, the top french film school, winner of several awards, and loaded with talent. His sense of imagery and creativity is amazing, and I think he gets my story. In addition, for no good reason whatsoever, I seem to have attracted a tiny but wonderful little gaggle of young ladies helping me raise money. They are off filling out "Dossiers" for grants and making sure I don't have to go into massive debt on top of my already massive film school debt.
So, even though I've yet to find my little starlette or old lady, I feel things are very much on their way.

Plus I'm flying to Minnesota tomorrow and will soon see my darling sister, dad and stepmom....yah!

sabotage and princesses

2005-12-07T13:50:00.000-08:00

I've had a very long and stressful week- and it's only Wednesday!
Today in film class I met with my prof and he had some good suggestions for my script, and some harsh criticism- which I am open to. I think he is quite a wise old man...but also I have been working on this forever and he doesn't know me at all and my professors back home are more aware of where I am at. The themes seem to be shifting from foreigness into image and representation. I'm not sure what I want really, and think image/representation may be a clearer theme. It's very hard to say what makes one french if you want to avoid berets and eiffel towers and baguettes and wine (though these are all so totally french!).

Anyway, that's not the juicy stuff. The prof continues to be encouraging and even said that some students shoot in super16mm and blowup to 35mm. On school funds! Nothing is certain yet though...
After my meeting with the professor a girl in the class came up to me and said she had read my script and wanted to join my crew. How cool. She's going to help my already great assistant director. In France assistant director seems to me a lot more than yelling "roll sound", much more like a producer role....
But thennnnn, the lovely new girl pulls me aside and tells me she heard that some of the other students in the class are upset that this "masters" student is hanging out in their "license" (undergrad) class, possibly funnelling their class resources (money) and these students are going to complain in the program office. In Paris it is strange because I am neither officially a graduate or undergraduate student- just a non-diploma exchange student.
Well, the other members of by crew assurred me that these other students can just buzz off and if the prof supports my script, then that's that. Still, I'm really nervous because I can just taste the possibility and would love to do it this way...

Aside from that I've been auditioning lots of pretty princesses. All the children and moms have been exceptionally nice, but I am shuffling from one to the next and not finding the right thing. Where is the introspective, curious, wide-eyed starlette I want? Who are all these 6 year olds who know more about fashion than I do? (most as it turns out).

blog shout outs to:
gabs! maman took me to the best chocolate chaud.
sis! Older, bolder, lovelier than ever
p! Come home from Oz! and happy birthday. hope you got good socks.
my love, see you in 44 hours.

i think i'll do a weekly blog shout out to check who's reading!
oh i just saw "L'enfant" tonight- pretty good film.

Is gerard depardieu in every french movie?

2005-12-06T12:32:00.000-08:00

Just a question. He seems to be...

Today after working at my job (teaching english to primary school teachers) I stopped by Au Bon Marché for the first time. All I want to know is who shops at that place? I walked around and looked at 250 euro hats and 60 euro gloves and 1000 euro fur mini-skirts. Sorry, my cher friends and family, but no one will be getting anything from that fine place. It made me feel poor and depressed.

In less depressing film news, I have 3 little girls and 1 old lady scheduled for auditions this week, about 10 middle-aged men for next week...so progress!

If anyone has any advice on HD finish from Super 16mm versus 16mm to 16mm film out, please email me and we'll chat!

Now, off to a film, "Lonesome Jim"...or do I just stay home and fall asleep watching Gerard Depardieu on the tube.?

action!

2005-12-04T05:20:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I shot my second film in Paris. I wrangled up 3 people from my school to be the crew- one of whom had a nice HDV camera that we used, and 4 actors, including a little boy. The shoot went really fast and had a total budget of 20 euros- spent entirely on wine, crackers and salami for the after party. The entire purpose of the shoot was to practice shooting in Paris. I think of filmmaking kind of like a sport or an instrument- it really helps to practice before your big game.
I find it really fun to just go out and shoot something. It's a bit stressful because I want to have a plan and make sure everything runs smoothly, but in the end, everyone enjoyed themselves. Somehow it feels easier to do it here in Paris than in SF. Maybe I became stagnant there and just needed something new....

In casting news, I'm a bit dissapointed because the twins I were thinking of casting are not interested. It's okay, better to know now than later, but still. I have been running all over Paris meeting little girls and their parents- hard work but quite fun. The hardest is telling their parents that they're not right for the part. All the girls are terribly cute but that doesn't mean they have what I'm looking for. I have three more girls lined up this week...we'll see.

casting hot mamas

2005-11-30T10:26:00.000-08:00

I feel so happy today. Not because of all the bad things: phoneline temporarily broke, prof didn't show up for class, working papers are apparently "out of order", fresh paint in my hallway really stinks, miss my boy and my friends...but for the good things:

Actors!
They are appearing, slowly but surely. Today I met 4 little girls- the last two were adorable irish twins. They had a really unique aura and clearly big imaginations, which is what the character needs. Plus, their parents are video artists. And I'm getting other actors responding to my announcements too- which is very, very good. no really old ladies though. i always need old ladies...

Paris!
Okay it SNOWED and is ass-cold, but I'm liking it more and more. I saw fun music with friends. I visited the Catacombs, hopefully a location in my film. It is the most amazing and creepy maze of skulls with dripping wet walls and cages and stacks of really old bones.

OH MY GOD:

Movies!
I went to this place called "Maison du Film Court" which reminded me of the San Francisco Film Arts Foundation, which I love. It appears there is after-all some support for new filmmakers. They have racks of actors headshots and helped me post an announcement on their site. I'll be going back for sure.

Plus...
I can't hide my excitement over future visits of my boy, tina, phoebe, ed and who else...?

Last, but not least, I'm shooting a movie in my apartment on Saturday. Oh la la!

cineminera

2005-11-23T09:27:00.000-08:00

Ah, what a day. In class this morning I finally got a wonderful girl to commit as my Assistant Director, another as a head PA. Then I went in the afternoon to the Cinemateque Francaise, where I've been seeing lots of movies. Today I finally went to their museum part. If you go, don't go on a weekend! It was lovely and calm today. The Renior/Renior exhibit was okay, the problem was that it was too bright for the films and too dark for the paintings; still, one got a sense of how Pierre-August passed down his wonderful eye to his son Jean. But the real treasure of the cinemateque was the permant exhibit on the history of cinema. I could spend hours there! It shows how cinema really has its roots in magic and magic shows. One can see and play with all sorts of "magic lanterns", spin old-fashioned flip books, look through lighted paintings and see all the orignal materials- Muybridge, Meliers, Lumiere....it's truly a heavenly place.

To end with I went in to their Mediateque. Filmlovers paradise...One can sit in a carosel and watch 1000's of movies, or read any of the film criticism magazines from around the world, or sort through stacks of books on theory and practice. All this cinemaphilia has me wiped out and feeling feverish...which is why I'm off to a movie, Woody Allen's latest, "Match Point".

Over 200?

2005-11-22T06:50:00.000-08:00

Little Film has past the 220 viewers mark? How is that? Even with myself accounting for lets say 100, my parents another 50; that's almost 75 non-related visitors?!

Who are you?

Can I just say I am horrified by the cover of Newsweek Europe today: a picture of a frightening looking burning car, presumably in Paris, with the headline:
"Memo to Europe: Ready to Change NOW?" Which I think implies, "Ready to become more American NOW?". I personally think the US media is having a field day pointing out the French have some problems of their owns, na na na boo boo.

The truth is France does need to look at it's racism problems carefully. I go to schoo l in the suburbs of Paris, the streets are full of black and north african residents, yet the public, "for the people university" has classrooms that are majority white. Yesterday our Ultra-leftist professor showed a film about violence in the suburbs and then asked, " who is from these Paris suburbs, who can comment on this?" No one raised their hand. Why is that?

I teach in a University for future school teachers, almost all female and white. Why is that?

If ever I have seen a case for affirmative action, here it is.

Chateaux chez moi

2005-11-20T05:57:00.000-08:00

Paris is extremely cold now. It reminds me of Minnesota, except that the
woman here continue to wear high heeled boots and little fur wraps, quite
dissimilar to the down parkas and moon-boots of my youth.

I am sitting on a train, returning from a night in "the chateaux" where a
family friend lives. Literally, the real deal, with endless rooms, entire
guest houses, big lion statues, electronic gates, and pink marble floors.
The evening was hilariously aristocratic, complete with much talk of the
problem of finding good workers. While it was ridiculously nice it also
immediately made me long for my 18 square meters in central Paris. I think
I'd always rather live in some tiny place with second hand furniture in the
heart of a city than a massive place in the country. Of course, the
chateaux made me think of all the movies that could be made there, about
little princesses and crusty rich hermits and dukes and duchesses falling in
love.

In movie news, I have finished a treatment for a feature I'd like to write
this year and finally translated my script into french and showed it around.
I plan to begin the casting search soon. Then it's location, crew, money,
money, money, equipment, etcetera. The thing that I've finally learned is
by the time you shoot the movie, as much as you've accomplished, you're not
even halfway done. Postproduction and distribution is the hardest part,
almost something you have the least control of.v

Visiting little monkeys:

Pretty metro or possible movie site:

Pros and Cons

2005-11-11T04:41:00.000-08:00

Realizing that I have been in Paris over two months is quite shocking. Where has the time gone? I finally feel like I am back to the level of French I spoke at 16, which dwindled downwards ever since. I sit in on my classes at the University here and miss a good 25 percent of the lecture...but alas, the professors seem to ramble quite a bit about nothing in the part I do catch.

This week I learned I had the opportunity to make my thesis film as part of an undergraduate "final projects" type class. In a few months the professor will pick one lucky group which the school will finance the film, in 16mm. I learned this about 3 weeks after everyone else in the class. So there I was, attempting to pitch my script to a bunch of fairly inexperienced undergrads, most of whom are committed to other groups already. I finally managed to secure 2.5 people to join my group, and handing the professor a poorly translated version of my script (a lot of babelfish was involved) I got on the list for a project. My script is now one of four that may get the lucky pot of gold, the school funds. The school hires a professional DP and Sound person and pays for all the film and processing and equipment. This seems like a great opportunity if I get it (odds aren't that good), but it comes with a price- not having as much control of my project, having to work on the school's schedule instead of mine, using a less experienced crew, ecetera. I suppose there are trade-offs attached to all money. Of course, if one of my blog fans wished to send me 10,000 euros than I could just hire my own damn DP and rent a beautiful camera to boot...Or if 10,000 of my blog fans each sent my 1 euro that could work too...

Paris is NOT burning

2005-11-05T01:40:00.000-08:00

The strangest thing is when I look at BBC or NYTimes website I get the feeling that there is rioting in the streets of Paris and huge fires everywhere, but when I listen to French radio I get the feeling that the port workers strike in Marseille or the French-Aussie rugby match is of far greater importance to the french people. The French media is definitely trying to downplay the violence, rarely discussing the causes of this mass unrest in the suburbs of Paris (distant northern suburbs far from where I live). But maybe they are right to do so, to not fan the flames...

Anyway, I am safe and sound at the moment. And busy working on translating my script into French.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/in_pictures/4405822.stm

des photos!

2005-11-01T05:28:00.000-08:00

Yes, I finally have dsl chez moi which means I finally have the patience to upload pictures which means pictures for you!

french colors are fun, an entirely different palette than Americans'

my school corridors are hideously color coded, endless mazes of dark green and purple, like this:

and a cool car:

enjoy the pictures. follow the links and see more on my flickr page too...

hacking it in hackney

2005-10-28T10:55:00.000-07:00

London is massive, complicated and cool. The landscape is a big mix of modern meets gothic, confusing glass and brick skyline meeting stone gray cathedral steeples. I am staying in a cavernous warehouse apartment with kind friends. We also spent three great days in Bristol, eating amazing samosas, enjoying the one sunny day of the week, climbing towers and bridges.

But this blog isn't really intended to be a diary- but a record of my filmmaking process. On that count it has been a difficult week. I have been thinking of this other idea, a feature length script that I have been sketching out. The problem is I get excited about this script and don't find my thesisfilm as intriguing. And I reread my proposal and thought "this is shit"...and so I spend much of my time this week in cafes or on the Megabus thinking abou thow I will make this thesis film...how can i change the story to make it somethingi am convinced aboutinstead of confused about. Sometimes the reason so many films are terrible, especially student short films, is that we are too burnt out to make them better and just shoot whatever script we've come up with. Anyway, I'm back to the notebook and trying some light restructing of my script...and some heavy stuff. It's getting very dark and grisly...

Connecting together

2005-10-22T07:39:00.000-07:00

There are really horrible moments, like when you lose one beautiful pink
cashmere glove and feel you must go single-gloved the rest of the winter,
and there are really wonderful moments, like when you accidentally stumble
into a film production office in the Marais and they start proposing little
fun jobs for you because of your lovely American voice.

I have also many several interesting filmmakers this week- the beautiful S.
who was intimidating cool but then turned out to be totally down-to-earth
and we talked about matte-painting and trekking; an Argentinean filmmaker
who will undoubtedly be the next Lucrecia Martel because she is working on a
very interesting film and being invited all over the world; a documentarian
who tells me the French film industry is impossible and one's far better off
working in Canada...

So, Paris is still great- but I am even more excited about my Chunnel
expedition to LONDON tomorrow!!!! A whole week in London and Bristol with my
favorite Brit and his friends. Tea with the queen, crumpets and Shepard's
pie and the best accents in the world. I have spent only a few days in
England in my life thus far and am looking forward to it immensely.

Shhh it's sunny in paris

2005-10-15T09:47:00.000-07:00

Everyone always says Paris is gray and rainy. After 7 solid balmy days of
sunshine I'm beginning to think this is a myth to keep tourists away....oh
how the good weather makes me happy.

The best things:
1. The "toursade" I'm eating right now: a spiralled airy thing that's like a
croissant but with added little dark chocolate chips and creaminess. Yummm.
2. Meeting up with some nice film students and checking out the thesis films
at La Femis. 35mm beauty everywhere...not bad!
3. Classes at St. Denis...I was warned the school was "political" but did
not expect to be caught in the uproar my first day there. Students in the
cinema department protesting left and right, teachers resigning, total
chaos...but somehow managed to attend 4 good classes the first week (and
understand most of it).

Less good:
Missing friends, those in SF, Mlps, DC, down under and especially across the
channel.
Trying to get a frickin land line and dsl chez moi. After 3 weeks of trying
I'm beginning to think these priveledges are reserved for the titled class.
Today I re-sent in my request with the correct photocopy of my gas bill (why
they need the gas bill to give you dsl service is beyond me)....alas, vive
la difference (?!!)

The real real

2005-10-08T02:49:00.000-07:00

My boyfriend went back to England and I'm suddenly alone in Paris and
actually HERE->
I have my apartment, my bank account, my cell phone, my job, my student
card...my life is here now. But it feels quite strange, lonely and
frequently frustrating.

I have all these things to buy like a little round cheese grater and a modem
and a toaster oven and I'm wandering the city looking for them.
Where are my beloved sidewalk sales of San Francisco? In the mission
neighborhood on any given weekend day you could find everything you needed
for under 5 bucks- clothes, appliances, music, household stuff. Walking
around in the evening was like a giant free sale as people just abandoned
their crap...but where do the Parisians put their crap??? My current theory
is that they just own really nice stuff. I went into a household shop today
in my chic neighborhood, a.k.a. Luxembourg (emphasis on Luxe) and the
cheapest wooden spoon was 7 euros...hmmm. I think I'll find out where the
poor people live to buy my cheese grater...

IN FILMMAKING NEWS:
I shot my first film in Paris yesterday!

It was a great success, though we got booted out of the Luxembourg Gardens
by the Senate police, who wanted us to buy a permit for 175 Euros! (the
noncommercial price)

My boyfriend and another buddy were actors, and I played the main character
who thinks she's a bird...it involved a lot of regurgitated chocolate
crepes.
Excellent cinematography was provided by my new talented friend David, who
fortunately provided a beautiful DVCAM and mic.
I'll be editing it this week and sending it off to the Berlinale Talent
Conference...we'll see where that goes!
----

moi, toi et tous les autres

2005-09-24T07:58:00.000-07:00

Beginning last week, and lasting for 5 brief days, the Paris metro system was covered in pink posters for "Moi, Toi et tous les autres" and the big gray eyes of Miranda July kept staring at me as I rode the trains. It's wierd to have worked on a film that makes it all the way to france, to the point where I overhear conversations in a bookstore of girls who had seen, and loved, the film. I guess that's what makes the film industry so hard to get into- it's so massive that making a successful feature is like launching a multinational....fortunately for me, I'm not quite understaking the task (yet).

After wandering around Paris looking for an internet cafe I just decided to open my laptop on a bench and see if wifi worked- viola! Not many people apparantely bother to protect their networks so there is free wifi at my disposition. Tres cool.

This week I showed up unannounced to visit La Femis, one of France's most prestigious film schools. To get in, you have to pass a series of 3 exams, covering everything from physics to chemistry to film analysis, and be under 26. But once you're in, it's like the gates of heaven open. There facilities, of which I took a self-guided tour, are pretty incredible. Students get free tuition, film, equipment, processing, money for their thesis films, yada yada...
To me it's kind of like announcing that San Francisco city hall has decided to give everyone a free 2-bedroom with a view of the golden gate. Incredible.

I also got a chance last night to check out a short film screening, La Saison Du Court. I've been to a lot of film screenings in the u.s. and to movies in Paris, but never to anything like this. For 6 euros you not only get to see a pleasant selection of about 15 decent short films (mostly recent french but also a 1924 hollywood film and a couple of older animations) but there was this very odd and humourous entertainment team with clowns, a magician who performed possilby the worst card trick I've ever seen, a "light show" between every film, music, and the crowning moment, when they presented a medal (complete with velvet pillow, girl with flag, another girl in uniform) to the audience member who had attended the most faithfully. They managed to turn an ordinary little film screening into a very amusing spectacle.

okay, c'est tout! Paris amazes and inspires....but I do miss San Francisco!

la vie parisienne

2005-09-18T09:02:00.000-07:00

Things feel like they are rapidly changing here, as I adjust a little more everyday to la vie parisienne... I started having dreams in (poorly spoken) French. Yesterday I moved out of student housing and into the most charming (but very temporary) apartment in the 12th. I have a view of gray rooftops and, for the moment, blue sky. I discovered the bois de vincennes and went running around the lake there which reminded me of my beloved Lake of the Isles in Minneapolis.

After my first night alone in my own place I feel the desperate urgency to be a filmmaker. This is why I am here. Paris inspires me everyday. There are a million cinematic details everywhere I look. The tiles on the roofs, the signs on the bakery, the children tearing down the sidewalk on their red tricycles...I think I'll try and sneak out on a photo shoot this afternoon after I finish my class paper.

I went to a party with a wonderful group of frenchies, mostly graduate students and scientists. It was pretty shockingly different than the American dinner parties I'm used to. Tons of extremely boisterous singing, extremely crass sexual humor, and extremely high quality food were served up. Followed by a bar that reminded me of some weird late night TNT dubbed german movie of the week...replete with drunken dutch bartenders, stripping repressed young bankers, and infinite repeats of the worst dance music of all time (a mix of the grease soundtrack, MC Hammer, and 60's french tunes) played in completely random order off one of those tv-style mini-jukeboxes. The night was weird, fun and (unfortunately) very smoky. I doubt the california no-smoking bars will ever make it here.

cuisine/cuisine

2005-09-16T09:07:00.000-07:00

Oh la la, je mange trop!

I celebrated my birthday by basically eating way too much, which is I guess the more mature version of drinking way too much.

Food in Paris is for the most part very good and seemingly very focused on cheese. For lunch, I ordered a salad "Ã la fromage" which was essentially a pound of various different cheeses, all white and delicious, with a few pieces of lettuce and tomato as garnish.

My lovely family took me to a lovely dinner at one of my favorite cafes in the bastille where we dined on eggplant carpaccio, salmon with a creamy anise sauce, green beans, fettucine, red wine (served cold?) and melted-in-the middle chocolate cake....mmmm.

So, in relation to food all is going well...except for writing an essay in French about food. For class we were assigned to compare American and French cuisine. Apparentlyy, I completely misunderstood because the teacher, who is French, insisted that American cuisine meant sweet potatoes, candied yams, cranberry sauce, creamed corn and meatloaf and I was totally off base by saying American cuisine was really an amalgamation ofEuropeann andAsiann influences....Alas, she must only eat snails and frogs every day.

piscine piscine

2005-09-11T08:25:00.000-07:00

Salut!

Today I went on my first swim in Paris. It was more or less madness. I was delighted to learn that Paris has 35 public pools, and so I rushed to the nearest one, 2.6 Euros in hand, and dove in. Me and everyone else in Paris.
I counted 15 people in my lane, standard size pool, standard width lane. People were sort of swimming around the same pace, but every once in a while the person in front would just stop. The ends of the lanes were "social areas" featuring numerous couples making out and people taking leisurely rests between each lap.
After a while I realized it was just like driving in LA, you get used to the traffic and then just go with the flow.
The absolute coolest thing was the lockers in the locker room that looked like candy jars and magically spun round to open and lock with freshly-created personal codes.

Attention les mecs! You are REQUIRED to wear a speedo, no shorts for boys.
Attention les filles! The men have an extremely clear view of the ladies shower area, I advise you keep that suit on.

I'm really looking forward to exploring the other pools of Paris. Apparantly they have a few 33 meter pools which sounds cool, and a solarium too. Tonight I'm going to see "Les Poupees Russes"

A bientot!

Oui, je sais, je sais...

2005-09-05T12:08:00.000-07:00

It has been so long since my last post that you probably thought I'd forgotten all about you, dear reader (do you exist?)...well, I have not. I am in Paris!

I moved here 3 days ago and things are changing fast.

I have an apartment! It doesn't start for a month so I'm stuck in a dormitory, which isn't too bad except a bit noisy and youthful. I should met some neighbors I suppose.

Paris is bursting with film at it's seams.
For example, at University of Paris 3 there is a cineclub that shows 2 different films every day all year! Projected on real film!!! and you can go to all of them for 30 euros for the whole year.

I can feel the cinema culture bubbling around me and it is inspiring.
I'm going to email some folks and try to get some filmic amies vite.

A bientôt!

poetry

2005-04-26T19:48:00.000-07:00

Would who be brave enough to write poetry?
Not I.

Progress!

2005-04-25T23:05:00.000-07:00

Well, I think my readership has dwindled with my posting frequency (hi Ahna!).
Update: I am putting together my thesis proposal now, as we speak. I have a synopsis, treatment, script, budget, and a plan- and a whole lot of bullshit mixed in between. I am scared I am struggling too much to make sense when I need to go further with my imagery and lack of sense.

The thing is I have two very seperate tasks:
Make a good little film
Graduate

For the latter I have to write a thesis that makes sense to a large number of people, while for the former I just have to be able to create what's in my head in front of the camera. Hopefully the two preocesses will inform each other.

I have been working for about 15 straight hours (commute, job, commute, yoga, dinner, thesis)...so I'm beat and am typing with eyes closed.

good night world.
send me inspiring dreams!

l'indispensable plan

2005-04-12T21:54:00.000-07:00

My thesis proposal is slowly but surely coming together. I am trying to immerse myself in the writings of Julia Kristeva, who's apparent brillance is only marred by the sterotype that she is too "difficult" and "french". i'm a bit intimindated nonetheless.

La vida est bella.

Paris plans are well under way now that I have my official acceptance into the CSU program.

My short, "nest" won "best environmental drama" at the SF Woman's Film Festival, amusing given it was probably the only environmental drama. Don't quite have the same sensation as winning something competitive, but fun all the same.

I started my new job at big company. I have a photo badge that opens doors, just like I've always wanted. We filmmakers are always so isolated from the true corporate world that it gives me a sens of another life.

Kristeva says the foreigner is within us all.

scripting struggles

2005-03-29T17:34:00.000-08:00

Writing this film is turning out to be more painful than anticipated. I had my first real script workshop in class today. My thesis class has 6 people in it, plus the professor. I read my 11 page script draft outloud.
The reaction:
Professor: Well, what genre would you say it is?
me: Drama
Professor: but really, what specific genre is it? You should really know.
me: okay, it's drama.
student 1: Where did all that stuff about language and politics go that you talked to me about 1 month ago?
me: I didn't put it in the script?
student 2: If I see another script with a mcdonalds reference in it I'll barf.
student 3: I just dont' understand what you're trying to say. What are you trying to say?
student 4: You just need to put this aside for a while- it's too complex.
student 5: you should just throw out this whole beginning (general class agreement on this point)
professor: next script...oh finally, this one is good....

So, I'm a bit low about this whole process. I feel like I have to explain every detail of my script to the grand jury- aka "thesis committe".

The only really good thing to come out of today is I have soem new energy to work on my script, maybe make radical changes, much bigger than the tiny tweaks I have been doing for the past few weeks.

I have 2 months to write a great script and thesis proposal.

Savetoby.com | Only YOU have the power to Save Toby!

2005-03-17T23:51:00.000-08:00

Savetoby.com | Only YOU have the power to Save Toby!

Why didn't I think of this? Toby is so cute. The power of furry animals is so strong.
I may have to eat a fricking baby seal to fund my thesis film.

Good night.

Trying to keep on

2005-03-04T16:28:00.000-08:00

I want to write at least a weekly post as I manuever through pre-production (for the next eternity!). Right now I am doing research on the theory behind my idea.
I am exploring the following themes:
Feminism
Film, motherhood, and genre
Surrealism
Reincarnation
French-American Relations
Death
Birth
Aging
voyages to the unknown

I've been very inspired recently by the photos of Arthur Tress. He takes photos of what dreams might look like- and lots of nutty male nudes (ex. pictures of naked man with his penis in the mouth of a ventriloquist's dummy...)

I had some strange dreams last night:
1. I won a trip (for two!) to portland. I've never been to portland.
2. According to my grandmother, I am first cousins with Miranda July, who had gotten married to a man and later found out he was loaded with cash. My dream grandmother told me this as an example of good luck. I worked (as a production assistant) for Miranda's film last summer. I'm pretty darn positive we're not even distant cousins. And I don't think she's married (yet).

These dreams follow seeing one of my favorite films ever, which I watched for the second time last night after almost completely forgetting how damn good it is: Emir Kurstica's "Time of the Gypsies".
Never have 136 minutes so flown by.

breakthrough

2005-02-25T11:37:00.000-08:00

I was feeling very bummed about this whole thesis thing. How was I going to write a thesis proposal that had both a script and "situated my film within a theoretical and social context"? Plus, during class we shared treatments. I felt the reception to my idea was less than warm- and rightly so- it all was sort of a muddled character piece. I can't answer "what do you want to say with this film?" or any of their well-intentioned questions.

But then on wednesday night, spilling into Thursday morning, and spilling out during a dark nightime walk along ocean beach, I got a new idea. I feel like I allowed myself to be imaginative. I just suddenly realized that this is my strength- my crazy imagination- I must use it and not be scared off just because I don't want a film filled with CGI-characters or being catchy/gimmicky like the Sixth Sense or Fight Club.

So, I'm off to write my fresh new script. Very happy about the my new concept.

Looking at photographs of Paris and Surrealism, as well as a book of photos by Arthur Tress, is helping stir me up.

Step One: Gather Images

2005-02-15T16:32:00.000-08:00

Today in our thesis class we shared images that inspire us in the film we are setting off to make. Gathering these pictures at the library, thrift stores, old catelogs and magazines, made me feel like a kid again. Carefully cutting and arranging a big collage on a folding board. I think in the end mine came out successful- in the sense it was me: slightly sloppy and whimsical, drawn towards foggy black and whites more than bright violent colors.

Paging through the book, "Paris and the Surrealists" sent me shooting to a new direction on my project. I always feel like since I'm not a Dali fan, I must not like surrealism. But I think I'm going to re-examine that idea and see what the masters' texts hold. Why is it that when you start to get an idea, it keeps morphing and morphing until you can't see the original seed it grew from?

Day One: The blank page

2005-02-07T23:06:00.000-08:00

The ideas are percolating but the script is still unwritten.
I have a self-imposed goal of December, 2006 for a finished film and a film school MFA diploma.

Will I make it?
Will you help me?